“I could never give my child up for adoption. That’s why I have to have an abortion.”
At face value, this seems backwards. How could adoption be a worse outcome than abortion? But many women are convinced that placing their child for adoption—”giving away” their child, as many put it—would be the most unloving option possible.
The idea of carrying a child for nine months and then physically handing that child to complete strangers seems unbearable and painful. Women feel convinced that their lives will never be the same if they choose adoption.
And you know what? They’re right.
Abortion, however, makes a bold promise. It claims that it can be a reset switch of sorts. Not only can you go back to not being pregnant, but you can do so without anyone knowing. Abortion allows life to get back to normal.
Yes, it’s a bold promise.
But it’s also an empty one.
The reality is this: once a woman is pregnant, there are no options in front of her that are easy. Each choice she has—parenting, adoption, or abortion—carries with it some form of difficulty, pain, and personal sacrifice.
So what’s the truth? Between abortion and adoption, which is the best choice?
It’s a valid question, and one that deserves a real answer. Let’s start by answering another question first: how are abortion and adoption the same?
How are Abortion and Adoption the Same?
- Both options allow you to pursue personal goals and plans. Maybe you’re concerned about finishing your college education or your career. Continuing toward these goals is possible with either option.
- You will not have to parent before you are ready. This is a concern for many women in an unplanned pregnancy, and it’s completely valid. Both options allow you to choose not to parent a child.
- Both options allow you to live independently. Parenting is rewarding and joy-filled, but it’s also hard work and requires much sacrifice. You’re not only in charge of yourself; you now have to meet the daily needs of another little life. Both abortion and adoption allow you to continue your current lifestyle of independence until you are ready to take on the responsibility of parenthood.
But Are They Really So Similar?
Are abortion and adoption equally beneficial for a woman who does not want to parent her child? I don’t think so. Because while there are similarities, there are also drastic differences. Consider these:
- Adoption ends in life. Abortion ends in death. This is the most evident difference between the two, but also the most uncomfortable to address, and rightly so. Both options are incredibly painful in different ways, but adoption ends in a future for an unborn child, while abortion ends the future of that child’s life.
- Adoption allows you to plan for your child’s future. Abortion is final. Throughout the adoption process, you can interview and choose who the child’s parents will be. You can make sure your child grows up with a safe, secure, and loving family. You also have the entire pregnancy to make plans, and a network of support available to help you think through each aspect of the decision. Abortion eliminates any future your child could have. Your child’s life may have been unplanned, but his future doesn’t have to be.
- Adoption allows you to have contact with your child and know how he or she is growing and developing. This isn’t possible with abortion. The world of adoption has changed much over the years, and open adoptions are becoming more and more common. This will look different for every birth mother. There may be monthly visits, a few visits a year, or just mail exchanged with pictures and updates on the child’s life. With abortion, this relationship is not possible. You don’t get the chance to know your child or see your child grow and develop.
So What Now?
If you’ve just learned that you’re pregnant, you may be experiencing fear, uncertainty, and loneliness.
Can I tell you something?
Those feelings are totally, 100% normal.
Can I tell you something else?
You are totally, 100% not alone.
Yes, the decision you must make is difficult. But the fact that you have to make a decision means you have choices in front of you. As you weigh your options, we hope you’ll let us walk with you through this process. We want to give you all the information and resources you need to make a fully-informed decision. Call today for your free appointment at 336-274-4881.
We also invite you to subscribe to our podcast, The Empowered Advocate. Our latest episode, Adoption, Abortion, and the Impact of Both, is available now. In this episode, we interview a woman who has experienced both adoption and abortion. You can subscribe to the podcast here, or click below to listen. You can also watch the full episode on our YouTube Channel.
You can do this. You’re not alone. And we hope you’ll let us walk with you so you can face this unplanned pregnancy without fear.
Mary Holloman is the Communications Coordinator at GPCC. You can follow more of her work at maryholloman.com.